Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Well, he might as well've stuck an IUD in there...

...that's right. 

Things arent going so well for us today. 

When we found out we had to have the hysteroscopy Dr P said it should put us back about 2 weeks in the process as long as he didnt use an IUD.  Not a big deal.  But, then we saw him again before the surgery and there was an issue b/c I had been on "the pill" for going on 3 months, skipping cycles.  So, they didnt want my ovaries "too rested."  I would have to have a cycle after surgery, then start back on the pill, have another cycle, and THEN get started with the injectables again. 

This didnt fully register with me until last week.  It just never occured to me that it was waiting another month and a half or so.  When I had my post-op and things looked good.  He said that I needed to be on this estrogen patch and that "these things take time."  So, I have had a few days to let it sink in that I couldnt start right away, but was hopeful to get started on the pill soon enough.

But THEN...yesterday I learned exactly what he really meant.  I called b/c I was on day 2 of a new cycle and would need to start the BCP's (birth control pills) on day 3.  I was asking if there was anything else I needed to make an appt for this cycle.  (I know he wants to do another sono-hyst but he can do that after the next cycle right before we start the meds). 

So, the nurse calls me back and says "Here's what I'm reading in his notes.  He wants you on the estrogen patch for 4 weeks and THEN have another cycle where we will start the BCPs and then have ANOTHER cycle where we will start the injections back up." 

WHAT?!?!? 

I said that I didnt see how that was right and asked why I couldnt be on the BCPs and patch at the same time...I'm already crazy from the hormones anyway...and that would total 4 weeks with the patch and cut out a month of just "sitting."  So, she said she would check with him.  He was finishing a procedure and she would ask when he walked by and call me back.  This was 5PM and I had 2 counseling clients at 5 and 6...one was already in the waiting room.  So, I shot a QUICK desperate email to Leah to have her pray and I went into my sessions and prayed like a crazy person while trying to focus on my clients. 

After my last session it was after 7PM and I checked my messages.  I was telling my officemate/friend/co-worker/personal counselor ;)  Heather about what the nurse had said and we agreed that the nurse HAD to be wrong. 

Nope. 

I check and there is a new message from my regular nurse saying that Dr P wanted me on the patch for 4 weeks...then have another cycle & start the pill...then have another cycle and start the shots. 

I just started shaking and told Heather with a shakey voice that the first nurse was right.  Then we changed the subject.  Leah had called and left a message to check on me, so I was going to just call her when I got in the car. 

When I got in my car, I called Ben and lost it.  I just said "It's been a horrible day" and told him what had happened.  After I talked to him I was GOING to call Leah, but I couldnt even calm myself down enough to do that.  I knew she wouldnt care, but I would!  I hate to cry...especially when I cant even get out a "hello" first!!!!  So, I just texted Leah and said "nurse right. cant stop crying."

Even as I type this there is a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.  (I may have to take a "field trip" (or quick run from the office) to JoAnns in a minute to calm down before my client tonight) 

I got home a few minutes before Ben.  Once he got home, I was calm and he didnt bring it up again.  After a dinner of leftovers (it was 8PM when we started dinner) we went out for a walk/jog around the neighborhood to let some frustration out.  When we got back I was having cramps so badly...I assume from the 3 months of skipping...that I took a prescription pain pill and went to bed soon after.  (sorry if that's TMI...but it's my blog!) 

That is, after watching K State whoop up on UT making Kentucky #1 in Men's basketball!!!!  I have a happy husband!

I am so upset by all this.  I KNOW it's just an extra month...but really it's 2 extra months!  Even a week or a day in infertility time is a lifetime and can be devistating for those of us involved.  I told Leah later (on facebook messaging) that he should have just stuck an IUD in there.  What's the difference?  Except that the IUD doesnt have to out...PTL (praise the Lord)!! 

I may kick Dr P in the head anyway!! 

For me 2 months is an ETERNITY...2 months is PLENTY of time for new fibroids to grow. 

For me...because of the stupid fibroids...time is of the essence. 

Ugg...I'm annoyed. 

I am seeing one of the BEST Drs and I feel like he is being aggressive with everyone BUT me. 

I have referred SO many people to him...and they are further along in the process (most of them pregnant) than I am.   I see him being aggressive w/ them and I feel like he's skipping through a field of flowers with me.  I know that's not true, but it's what I feel today. 

And now, my eyes are full again...so I had better take that "field trip" before my 5PM client gets here tonight. 

Please keep us in your prayers...mostly that we are patient (do I REALLY want to pray for that?), for it to be obvious why we are having to "wait" so long, and pray that the fibroids stay far far away. 

And pray that I can stop crying...stupid hormone patch.

8 comments:

Brooke said...

My heart is saddened by your news. Going through these trials has got to be hard enough for anyone, but then to add the craziness of hormones just makes it horrible. I'm praying for you. I pray for the time to pass by quickly for you!

Hannah said...

I'm so sorry, Kristina. When you are trying so hard to conceive, a month can seem like forever. I'll be praying for y'all.

Leah said...

You can call me anytime, even if you can't talk...trust me I have been there! I called you crying when we moved out of our first house!
I have been in your shoes and know what you are going through. Just know that God has the perfect plan and He is going to work this all out in ways that will make everything perfect! Come over anytime you need to talk!

Stephanie said...

I know from my experiences that there is nothing I can say to make you feel better. I can tell you I will be praying!!!!!!!!!

Donna said...

Praying!

Shonda said...

Kristina, you do not know me, but I want you to know I am praying for you. I have a daughter that is 12 and I wanted a second child, but after many surgeries it did not happen. I know its not the same because I have one child, but I do read your blog and somethings you say hit me like a brick. Stay strong, and keep your chin up. God is in control!

Hugs and Prayers from Texas :))

*Courtney* said...

Oh Kristina, I'm so sorry about that! I know that the time ticks by so slowly while you're waiting, but I will pray that it goes by quickly and that there are NO fibroids when you are done with the BCP and patch.

Marci said...

I'm so sorry, Kristina. I pray that God gives you peace while you wait, and that it happens VERY soon for you guys. Praying for strength and good news!

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