Friday, February 27, 2009

Nervous!!

**update below**
I am about to leave to go see Dr. Putman. He will be doing a sono-hist (sono w/ saline or something) and going over my blood work and Ben's "donation." We should have some answers after today and I am hoping that we are able to make a plan. Please pray for us this afternoon...I am SO afraid of the possibilities but excited to know at the same time. I am already shaking and have been praying non-stop! Please pray that we have peace, wisdom, a healthy uterus (don't laugh!), and that we leave with good news-or at least news that we can work with!!!! Thanks so much for all of your support...we feel the prayers! I will update soon.\
UPDATE:
The appointment was so much better than I had planned. Imagine that...God's plans are better/bigger than my own...hmmm...you would think that I would have learned that by now!! Anyway, my blood levels were perfect, Ben's count was MUCH higher than we have EVER seen (like he is normally in the 20 millions and he had over 100 million this time!!!!) and Dr. Putman was REALLY pleased with both of these things.

The procedure was SO not a big deal. He said that some people feel bad cramps when the saline is injected, but I literally didn't know that he had done anything. There was one spot in the uterus and a few spots in the lining that he was concerned about. The spot in the uterus turns out to be a fibroid/polyp and it just so happens to be in the spot that implantation usually occurs. So, it needs to come out. The lining looks fine. The size and shape both look fine.

I had been told in the past that I was working with "half a uterus" but never knew what that meant. Dr. Putman didn't say anything about that, but he did say that the size was great. I had SO much fear that he was going to say that I couldn't carry a baby. I had tears in my eyes all morning and was shaking all over. I have been praying and singing (in my head) all night and morning. So, I guess I wont need my "baby mama" after all. Sorry Susan!!

So, he says that I have to have surgery. It is MINOR MINOR surgery and he wants to be a MINIMALLY invasive as possible so that there is not a build up of scar tissue. It's called a Histeroscopy (see info here). He seems to think that he can do it without any incisions.

Although Ben and I have been preparing to do IVF, we had not made a "plan" with Dr Putman yet and he was saying that because of the scar tissue that we may want to look at what our plans are, but that he thought IVF would be best. He seemed real tentative to bring it up. So, I said "well, we have been planning for that" and he said "good. Then at your post-op appt we can make those plans and get that started."

When we went in the ladies office to schedule the surgery, she says "he wants it as soon as possible. How about Wed?" Ben has a HUGE week at work next week and said he cant do Wed because that is when they are a HUGE interview to bid for a multi-million $$ project (that's been consuming his time!). She doesn't really have anything else soon. So, I realize that my mom is on her way to my house (at that exact time) and that she was planning to leave Monday morning (she is keeping my nephew so that M and I can go to Canton on Sat!!!!!!!!!!)...so I call her from the lady's office and ask if she can stay through the week. She said that she will prob go home on Sun and come back on Tues night. (She "has stuff to do"...if you know my mom you know how typical this is. She cant sit at my house for 2 days while there is "stuff to be done" in Houston!! Silly mom!!) She had not left the Houston area, yet, so she called my dad to get his opinion on if she should come home on Sun or stay through the week (which meant turning around and packing more-although I can guarantee that all she DOESN'T have with her is the kitchen sink). Dad agrees that she should leave Sun after church and lunch at Babes. YUM!! So, surgery Wed morning it is.
While we were waiting on the car (SLOW valet) I realized that I am supposed to have a "Pampered Chef" party at my house Thurs night. It took FOREVER to schedule this b/c my schedule is so difficult during the week. So, I said something to Ben about it and then said "I'm having it anyway." So, if you are coming, we might should make this a "PJ Pampered Chef party" b/c I will for SURE be in my jammies! So, if you are coming, don't expect too much...just come and have fun!!! (and if you aren't coming or dont live in the area, let me know and I can tell you how to order online so that it will give me credits for my party)

When I got in the car, I called my mom again to finalize plans and tell her about the rest of the appt. Then, I called Leah to tell her that it was good news and not that I was upset and headed to her house to cry!! After that, Ben and I just talked until I dropped him off at his office.

When I finally turned the radio back on, the song "Healing Rain" by Michael W. Smith was on. I just downloaded a bunch of new songs and found this one through a blog friend, Jill. I have thought a lot about the "Storm" that we are walking through and have done a lot of studies on this recently. I have downloaded every song that has to do with this. Singing/songs/worship means so much to me and my car time is such a special time b/t me and God. There are certain songs that I sing over and over that say SO much about what I am feeling. I feel like we are walking though a storm, but I know that God is with us, and I keep praising Him through all of it.
So, "Healing Rain" means a lot and it just seemed SO fitting for the time. We have been at rock bottom for so long and have only just begun our slow climb up. Even though it's still raining, it HEALING rain. Here are the lyrics (when I downloaded it, I only got this chorus...so it's just this over and over....which is PERFECT right now):

"Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid..."
And at one point he says "My faith's rising." How perfect...and how awesome that it was just coming on when I turned the radio back on. Then, even better, the next song said this:
"Lord, I offer my life to you.
Everything I've been through, use it for your glory."
Man, talk about singing my little heart out in the car!! (which ONLY happens when I'm by myself!!) I started this blog in FEAR of "coming out" but knowing that I may be a help to others. So, God,...please use all that we've been through for your Glory!!
This morning I was on the verge of tears b/c of fear...and now I'm on the verge because I am so happy! I've never NOT cried when I was told that I had to have surgery...but today I cant stop smiling!!! I was a bit giddy after the appt and when I was signing papers for the surgery I started laughing SO hard at one of them. I called Ben over to read that I was authorizing them to "remove parts from my body." It may not be that funny, but at the time I was about in HYSTERICS!!
"Thank you GOD for being with us today and the peace and clarity that we feel.
Thank you for holding us today and for the healing that is coming with the rain."
Sorry if this was random...I'm a bit all over the place right now!!
w/ love,
K

3 comments:

The Moore Family said...

I got your pampered chef email and thought I would check the blog to see what was going on...MAN...alot! I just love an aggressive dr and Dr. Putman sounds that way! I bet you can see the light now...how refreshing and such an answer to prayers! I am giddy for you too!!!

Aunt Kathy said...

Yea!!! You'll be a great mom and Ben will be a great dad! And Rusty needs a sibling!

Marci said...

Oh Kristina, that is wonderful! I'm so so so so happy for you! Sounds like you've got a wonderful dr. and a strong faith...which is all you need. I'm praying for you and hope all goes well on Wednesday! I'm SO excited for you!

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